The Unique Challenges of Being Latinx and Gay

We live in a world that is becoming increasingly tolerant. This, however, doesn’t mean that there are no more problems for gay people, on the other hand, discrimination and prejudice continue to harm them every day.

When talking about the impact of these and other factors on the person’s well-being, we can’t just talk about it generally. The person’s experiences will be influenced by many other things: their gender identity, their background, their socioeconomic level, and, of course, their race and ethnicity. Let’s examine the experience of many Latinx gay men and how these aspects of their identity influence each other. 

Latinx Cultural Trends

Latinx people can come from a variety of backgrounds and have different cultural experiences, but it is possible to identify some trends that are more likely to be found among this group. First, many Latinx families stick to conservative and traditional family values. Indeed, family itself is often the central value. That can mean that it’s easier for a parent or relative to support someone who is coming out as gay, but it can also mean that for many, the “right” family is a heterosexual couple with children and extended relatives all around. The idea of a same-sex couple can be difficult to accept, and people with these values might feel concern, anger, or worry about their relative not creating their own family or not having children. 

Latinx does not always mean Catholic or belonging to another Christian denomination, but it often goes hand in hand. Many families believe in Christian values and use religion as a moral guide. For those who stick with more traditional denominations or traditions, homosexuality may be viewed negatively from a religious standpoint, as it is often viewed as a sin or as something to be overcome, not embraced. A person who has been raised in a religious family might struggle to reconcile their faith and their family’s faith with their identity and need to live as themselves, leading to feelings like guilt or shame. 

Many Latinx cultures put a strong emphasis on traditional gender roles, especially on masculinity.  There is an idea of what a “real” man should be like, and in some communities, there may be bullying to boys who deviate from the standard. Homosexuality definitely does not fit the traditional “macho” mold and is a challenge to it.

Latinx Families and Gay Acceptance

Among families, these ideas might also be passed on, directly or indirectly. For example, a father might expect his son to have a girlfriend or go on many dates with different girls and women, to show off their masculinity. In the home or in the community, words describing or referring to homosexuality might be thrown around as insults, especially if the son fails to conform. Homosexuality is often not seen as an option or treated as a deviation from the norm, leading to punishments and strife within the home, because it is seen as a failing on the son’s part.

This is especially true of families that stick to traditional values and that might have strict gender roles at home: for example, the girls do the dishes and serve the food, the mother stays home, the husband is the earner, and so on. Feeling the need to live up to one’s familial and communal expectations of what it means to be a man and being gay can create an internal conflict.

Many Latinx families are very close and very involved with their communities. The idea of being rejected by those around them can be scary and motivate men to keep their identities secret or even present themselves as being heterosexual or traditionally masculine to get accepted, depending on what they feel their communities want from them.

In extreme cases, the family might reject the member who comes out as gay due to their view of homosexuality and narrow approach to values, for instance, thinking that it is sinful or disowning the person for “shaming” the family. This is a deeply painful experience that hurts the man’s self-esteem, well-being, and quality of life. To avoid it, some might get away from their families first, moving to a place they feel will be more accepting. Others do not come out of the closet and limit the knowledge and exposure their family has to their private lives. 

This does not mean that all Latinx families are alike. Many put their family first and continue to be loving and supportive regardless of the situation. However, it is true that many traditional values glorify masculinity and deride homosexuality, as well as seeing it as something sinful, which influences the view families and communities will have after coming out. 

Dealing with Being Gay and Latinx

Being Latinx can influence the experience of homosexuality in men in different ways. It can make them struggle to reconcile their sexual orientation and the traditional idea of masculinity. It might push them to evaluate and reevaluate their faith, struggling with shame and guilt if they were taught that homosexuality is something sinful. They might feel pressured to fulfill the expectations of their family and to avoid disappointing them, to remain close with their parents, which might make it difficult for them to come out. 

In general, there are many different experiences. Some men have found their families to be supportive and to place their well-being and familial bonds above other ideas. Others have found their parents and communities to be less welcoming.

Gay men find themselves in the position where their very existence challenges many notions of traditional “macho”masculinity, which can put them in a vulnerable position. They might fear being rejected and, sadly, these fears are not always unfounded. They might also face internal conflicts over the expectations and values they were raised with and their own identity. It is important to recognize that the intersection of marginalized identities creates unique challenges that need to be addressed in specific ways, and promoting acceptance among Latinx gay men among their communities and families is an important issue to tackle.

To find out more about our services, click here: gay counseling.