On women: being loved, wanted and seen (Part One)

In celebration of Labor Day Weekend, I was reminded that relationships take a lot of work to succeed. My reaction was “Of course I know this,” and then I thought a little about it, and about what constitutes that work. What are the elements that define that often nebulous statement?

It’s safe to say that for men, these three things are the most important keys to a happy relationship. They are what will make or break a relationship – absolutely, hands-down and no qualms about it. Other than healthy communication, if your wife or girlfriend is not feeling loved, wanted or seen, you’re doomed, brother. You should some in so we can talk and fix the situation.

On being loved, wanted and seen: They have to know it from you. You have to show them regularly that they are well loved. I get this feedback regularly from Leanne, my own partner (Welcome, Leanne, to the blog!). She tells me that girls need to know those things through these ways (take notes, guys):

  • complimenting her/validating her on her looks, body, charm, etc.
  • telling her that she is beautiful and/or sexy; communicating sexual desire of her
  • Initiation of sex (yes, fellows, believe it or not)
  • telling her that she is good at something in her life, smart, etc.
  • Simply telling her (genuinely) that “I love you.”
  • generous supply of meaningful hugs
  • planning events or date nights out, and then following through on them
  • spontaneously doing things for her that communicate “I’m thinking about you.”
  • watching the criticisms/judgments or her or her behavior
Next time, I’ll talk about women being heard, which dovetails into the communication realm, and I am not going to talk about it today. Enjoy your labor day weekend, and if you are going to work, try putting some of that into your relationship, either with your partner, or with yourself.

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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