Are You Commitment-Phobic?

There’s plenty of reasons to be commitment phobic if you’re a guy: afraid of losing your freedom, wanting to hold onto youth and your wildness, fear of intimacy, not wanting to have children, and on and on.

For evey guy, there might be new reason not to commit. Some guys I have talked to about fear of commitment talk about the fact that they are in a relationship that’s not really for them to begin with. I know that guys sometimes have very good reasons for not wanting to commit. It’s possible that the relationship is not fulfilling to them in some way, but that they have quieted and suppresed their voice of dissent, the voice that is telling them that their relationship is not really what they want.

Guys are afraid of devastating their woman if they break up with her. This may seem like care, and I’m sure it truly is, but not breaking up with someone because you’re “too afraid to crush” your woman by ending the relationship is not doing justice to her, or themself. Real care for your mate is being honest with yourself and with her.

Men are also afraid that if they get into a relationship, that things are going to be so different, because they’ll lose their voice and lose their old, former self. This doesn’t have to be the case. Nobody ever said that because you get married, you give yourself up to boring and complacent. You can if you want to, but it’s a choice. Usually, the mental fantasy of how it will be when “we’re married” is an excuse to become phobic of being in a relationship.

Some guys purely don’t want to grow up. They want to go out, drink, carouse with women, and do what they want to do. Most of the time, unless your girlfriend or fiancee is o.k. with you staying out all night and stumbling home drunk, sleeping with other women, and doing whatever the hell you want to do, it’s hard to be a guy that wants to have his cake and eat it, too. It’s selfish, and irresponsible, and doesn’t create a satisfying relationship for either party.

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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