Fear of Conflict Keeping You Stuck?

For a lot of men, the fear of stirring the pot keeps them stuck in both fantasy and anger, two places that get a guy nowhere right quick.

“Nice guys” don’t want to piss anyone off, especially their women and their bosses. They stay “nice” and stuff their true desires and needs, which the mind then uses as fuel to create all sorts of wonderful scenarios that make expressing the initial need or resulting anger much harder.

Think of that which has gone unfulfilled because of your fear of anger. Think of the situations that you have shied away from or bowed out of because you were afraid of engaging in conflict with someone else. You didn’t want to create the conflict, because you risk being criticized, rejected, unloved or just generally left out in the cold. This is not good.

Is it possible to express your needs in a healthy way, that wouldn’t set you up for the potential conflict situation you think is inevitably coming? You bet there is.

Speaking from your needs and, god forbid, feelings, does actually attract people you’d otherwise consider to be non-believers (and potential conflict sources). Not going into shaming, blaming, criticizing, manipulating, cajoling, nudging, superiorizing, and in any other way, shape or form, doing anything towards the other person. Staying in your own experience, and speaking from that place of “centeredness” is much more rewarding that the joyful explosions you’re bound to create when you do conflict like you are normally used to.

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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