Some Nuts and Bolts of Creating Your Ideal Relationship

Two weeks ago, I spoke to a good group of people – the Phoenix Rotaract Society. They were kind enough to have me speak to their group on the basics of creating a great relationship.

I talked about the “nuts and bolts” – what to do, and what to avoid, with your partner to go after that ideal relationship, which is totally within reach.

The Rotaract members had some great feedback and contributions, and we ended up having a nice little discussion. I want to share with you the prime cut of the convo:

Why is it hard to have good relationship today?

– Communication problems
– Anger at partner/Fighting all the time/Hurt feelings
– Needs aren’t being met in relationship
– Trust issues
– See parents’ bad relationship, and don’t want it for yourself
– Can’t talk closely with partner

– Not sure if he or she is the one for you/different interests

– Same problem, different relationship partners

– Work, money and general stress- Commitment-phobic/Fear of marriage

What doesn’t work?
Stuffing your anger, or exploding in it; also, not talking to one another
Not creating regular time together to talk, have fun, laugh
Not dealing immediately with the problems that will inevitably come up between you both
Not talking to your partner about them/not being on the same page
Not working on your relationship
Criticizing and judging your partner; blaming and shaming

What does work to create a good relationship?
– Good communication: Stating your needs and feelings in your relationship
– Having a life outside of the relationship, as well as in it (independent time)
– Meaningful time together/creating a good relationship
– Developing trust
– Validating, not criticizing, each other
– Listening well/showing empathy
– Appreciating your differences
– Learning about and meeting other’s needs, as well as your own

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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