4 Tips To Banishing Relationship Boredom

Ready to break the chains of relationship boredom? Have you been stuck in a rut for some time now, and haven’t known how to get out? It’s possible that, for some, that you didn’t even know you were in a rut in the first place, which makes things even more difficult to fix (when you can’t even diagnose it).

Here’s 4 quick tips to crawling out of the pit of a relationship that fell asleep:

1. Make yourself more interesting: It’s easy to look upon our spouse, or our relationship, as the problem, and then blame our boredom on those, because they’re convenient. It’s harder to take responsibility for our own boredom, and do something about it.

I propose doing something radically different. I invite you to take a look at your own individual life – aside from the relationship – and ask yourself, “What can I do to make myself more interesting – to myself?” When you can generate answers to this question, you’re starting to make something happen. Maybe it’s learning to communicate differently. Maybe it’s learning how to speak Portuguese. Maybe it’s taking up reading about topics that once interested you, that got pushed aside by a busy life. Or maybe it’s getting involved in volunteerism. But working to make yourself more interesting is by far a major step towards developing renewed interest in your relationship.

2. Talk about the boredom: Too often, couples who are bored make it worse by failing to call the elephant in the room what it is. If boredom is obviously a problem in your relationship, why you you keep contributing to it – because it’s easy? Quit having the same doldrum conversations, and say to your partner, “We need to talk about something that needs to change for me in the relationship.” Make it a priority, and have a conversation to get the ball rolling.

3. Come up with a list of boredom breakers together: Get together (even after the conversation above), and brainstorm about the things that you both enjoy doing together. The very act of brainstorming together will remind you both of the “getting to know you” process that you once enjoyed, before the stalemate set in. Coming up with activities that you both love to do is key. Bonus points: come up with right brained activities, or fun things to do to get you out of your head. Try indoor rock climbing, creating art or music together (there’s Taiko Drumming here in Phoenix – bash on those big old Japanese drums together), or doing something “non-intellectual” or for pure fun.

4. Talk about the anger: Often times, boredom is really anger that’s been frozen. If there is anger between you two, air it out. Talk about it, melt the anger or tension, and get back to spontaneity and fun. Boredom is an intellectual, or mental, way to express anger sometimes, and it’s a way (esp. for men), to distance themselves from their partners. Talk about anger if it’s a problem for you, and you may see boredom start to blow out of your relationship with that simple change.

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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