Building a Better Marriage: The Affection Factor

One thing that guys have a very hard time doing is expressing affection to the women in my life. Small acts of kindness go a long way. For a lot of men, showing their wives and girlfriends how they are feeling about them, or communicating to them positivity through verbal validation and affirmation is the hardest thing under the sun to do.

When an end up feeling neglected, angry that they are working too hard in their relationship or marriage, and often don’t know exactly how to communicate what they’re wanting from the men in their lives. This frustration or anger often gets mutated, and expressed back to their men in unhealthy ways.  The needs that women have from men should be met, and men should know how to meet them, but when those two things don’t happen, a lot of unnecessary conflict ensues.

What guys need to know about The Affection Factor is that affection — whether it’s physical, sexual, emotional, or through validating statements — is an essential nutrient to the growth of your marriage or relationship. Without it, it’s like you’re failing to feed the relationship, or her, and neglect the very thing that you may feel most proud of.

To help, try creating the time that you and your wife or girlfriend need to spend together. Regularly creating the time, and prioritizing your marriage, is essential. How you spend that time together is even more  important. As a guy, you can begin to listen with more intention, and ask your partner if indeed she needs affection from you and how she needs from you. A lot of women respond very positively to you being assertive physically, and not waiting to take her lead. Whether that means putting her arm around her, holding her hand, kissing her, or generally communicating interest and energy in her are all good things. Doing the same things sexually towards her is also showing affection. She likes when you take the lead and display your assertiveness.

The hardest way for guys to communicate affection towards their women is by verbally validating them, or making them steal special through words. Women love this. And if you’re not doing enough of it, you and your relationship are really missing out. Telling her how good she looks, how special she is to you, praising her efforts or the work that she does, or  generally validating her are all examples of verbal validation. This is where guys fail to mine the potential in their relationship or marriage. They’re missing out on a whole lot of undiscovered happiness, if their wives and girlfriends do indeed thrive on hearing these things from you.

Try some of these tips to deepen  the strong bonds you’re looking to create with your wife or girlfriend. Be aware that simple things can make a lot of difference, and employing just a few of the strategies could change a whole lot.

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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2 Responses to Building a Better Marriage: The Affection Factor

  1. It is no question that men and women are different, and have different expectations. This is why counseling is a good idea for those in relationships that just don’t seem to be working. Thanks for the great information. It puts a lot of things into perspective.

  2. Thanks for your contribution. I appreciate your response, and glad it put some things in perspective for you. It’s the “decoding” that will help bring men and women together.

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