When You’re Stuck and Indecisive in Life

Indecision is crippling. Getting stuck – and staying stuck – in life creates stagnation, which ultimately creates regret. If we let time go by in our lives, without making it what we want it to be, we look back on a life of “what-if’s” and missed opportunities. Through that perspective, it’s not a life well lived.

I’m talking about major decisions one has in life: choosing the right partner, the right career, or the right lifestyle. If you’ve had a driving force inside of you that has gone unfulfilled, how come it’s happened like that? What in your life prevented you from choosing the thing that would have made your life happier?

A lot of people simply don’t trust themselves. They don’t trust themselves to know what they want, so they make decisions that are not in their best interest, ultimately. They:

– let outside forces choose for them, like family, friends or for convenience

– don’t know how to connect what’s in their head to what manifests in their lives

– may be too timid or afraid to do what it takes to make those visions materialize in their life

– deeply want to please others, and live more for pleasing them than themselves

– stay comfortable in so-so situations, or situations where there is no risk, because it’s the easy route

– fail to believe in themselves, and haven’t had role models teach them how to

– succumb to an overly active negative self-critic, that shoots idea after idea down and creates paralysis

On some level, I think we know what we want. That voice that tells us what we really want lives somewhere deep inside of us, yet we choose to dismiss it or neglect it because of fear or our current situation is comfortable enough.

If we make major life changes – say, by career changing or ending a bad marriage – there is inevitably painful changes that come in the short term. There will be others that may not agree with our ideas and choices, and even some who may be emotionally hurt as a result. We may end up alienating people, or losing friendships, and although those are unfortunate byproducts of our choices, are we setting ourselves up for our long-term happiness? Not everyone is happy with our decisions always, and we are ultimately responsible for our own lives and decisions. No one else is living this life for you.

Tuning in and listening to what you really want, with the courage to confront fear, comfortability and convenience, takes a lot of strength. If we can tune into a deeper source of information, we can begin to find the answers to our questions. Personally, I use my head to make linear decisions, but I use my gut, too, to tune into a person or situation on an emotional level. A lot of people don’t do this, and deny themselves the chance to listen to their own truth.

Reflecting back on the times you were happier, what were you doing then? Can you get in touch with the child version of yourself to know what happiness brings you? Can you hear past the critical, negating voice you have now?

There is a lot involved, as you can see, in understanding when you’re stuck and indecisive in life. There are factors unique to you that may be keeping you in place, so, hopefully, these questions have spurred some brainstorming for you to consider your place in your life now.

 

 

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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