On Negativity

Are you one of those people? You know, the negative guy that people secretly don’t want to be around, because you bring everyone down? It’s hard to know sometimes, unless those close to you call you on it. Let’s look at it another way: do you generally feel negative? I know negativity can be a fleeting state of mind, but if negativity is consuming more headspace than it should, you might have a problem on your hands.

Negativity is fueled by more negativity. It can appear in the form of negativity about others, towards work or your life, or about life in general. Usually, criticism and judgmentality appear alongside negativity, but sometimes it’s just pure negativity.

I’ve found that for some, negativity is a certain security blanket, if you will. It’s comfortable holding onto negativity, because the thought of being happy is too much or too scary for those used to being negative. The real problem comes when negativity gets “baked in” to our personality, and becomes part of our identity, or how we see ourselves (or others see us) in the world.

Negativity is a byproduct of anger and unhappiness. Those who are dissatisfied with their lives, the people in their lives and their lot in life stay negative. Don’t try asking negative people to get positive, because it won’t work.

If you’re negative, and you want to change, I would first suggest you take a deep look inside yourself and see what’s going on under the hood. Are you angry? Are you dissatisfied? Are you generally unhappy? Can you start to identify and take responsibility for those things, rather than spilling toxic negativity onto others close to you? Try to stay open to others’ feedback of you: what do the ones you love and trust say about you? Do they find you to be negative? Can you “take in” what they’re saying, without defensiveness and ego?

I think “getting positive,” is kind of overrated, because we can choose to be positive, but if the default condition is negativity, we’re gonna fall right back on that, time and time again. Deal directly with the negativity, and you can start to get happy from a place deeper within yourself.

Negativity is like acid on relationships. It slowly disintegrates goodness and relationship bonds. Nobody wants negativity, unless they do. Negative people attract other negative people, and keep the bonds through shared negativity. It constricts life, relationships and the things that make life worth living.

Work on the drivers of negativity, and you open up a lot of doors in your life. Don’t work on it, and you commit yourself to a closed and unhappy existence.

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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One Response to On Negativity

  1. Helen says:

    Thanks, I feel that negativity has definitely been ‘a security blanket’ for me recently, it’s always harder to expose oneself to the fullness of life and its takes more guts.

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