Men and Failure

I spent 8 minutes talking about men and the experience of failure, and jotted some video notes down for you to follow and think about. How do you experience failure in your life? How has it affected you in the past? Your current life?

Video notes:

  • It’s o.k. to feel like a failure
  • Most men feel like a failure at something, whether it’s work, marriage, friendships, etc.
  • Men don’t want to feel like a failure, or powerless, because we pride ourselves on being a success and in control of ourselves, and our lives. It’s an unusual experience to be a failure, and one we want to run away from and push away
  • Getting past the cultural imperative of being an in control and successful man
  • You can be okay being vulnerable
    • It does promote relationship growth to be vulnerable
  • Stop posturing in the world to seem like you’re not a failure
    • It takes a lot of work to be phony and to maintain a facade with others
  • Feeling like a failure is different from being a failure
    • Usually, there is sadness or grief as emotions attached to the sense of failure
    • Being a failure is a label or a rejection of yourself
  • Fear of doing things because you’ll be a failure
    • Failure is comparing yourself to someone else’s standard, or your own
  • Can you give up the need to compare yourself to a standard, and let yourself do what you need to do anyways?
  • Dealing with the failure directly
    • Having intimate conversations with your intimate partner
    • Getting over the fear that she’ll reject you if you confess you feel like a failure.
    • If she does, it may not be the right relationship for you

About Jason

As "The Man That Men Will Talk To," Jason Fierstein, MA, LPC is a private practice counselor and psychotherapist for men and couples in the greater Phoenix, Arizona, area. He works with struggling men to find happiness in their lives, and with their wives.
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