Holiday Survival Kit: 5 Tips from a Marriage Counselor
Holiday gatherings with family and friends are deeply ingrained in our culture's traditions, so most of us look forward to the coming weeks as an opportunity to slow down and enjoy delicious food, a slower pace, and the company of people we love.
But do you look forward to hearing Uncle Jim's endless stories about his business success or listening to your mother-in-law's unsolicited parenting advice? Are you eager to sit through your sister's bragging about having to cook the entire meal for the celebration? Well, probably not.
Different expectations, habits, beliefs, and communication styles may quickly transform a pleasant family Thanksgiving dinner into a heated courtroom scenario packed with arguments, resentment, and tension.
Marriage counseling can give you the tools to maintain a strong connection with your partner amidst the stress of holiday organization and family gatherings and avoid family drama.
How to Survive the Holidays as a Couple with the help of Marriage Counseling
Family get-togethers can be challenging to navigate, especially when kids are involved, and you are spending time with your own or your partner's family of origin. This can put a significant amount of strain on you as a couple. So, for some couples, the simple thought of having to spend a night or two at their in-laws' place can be daunting.
Here are five strategies that might help boost your resilience as a couple and keep the balance.
Prioritize Communication
Set time aside for open conversations with your spouse. Schedule daily check-ins with one another to address your concerns, discuss plans, adjust expectations, and help each other feel seen, heard, and validated. Even a few minutes of focused attention at the end of the day can help you feel connected and united.
Set Boundaries with Parents and In-Laws
Setting healthy boundaries during the holidays is about creating a space where everyone feels connected and comfortable. However, discussing your boundaries with your spouse before flying back home for Christmas is critical. It is vital that you are on the same page and present a unified front. So, determine how to handle unwanted parental advice and which topics are off-limits. Plan on how to help the kids politely navigate uncomfortable situations with cousins, how to express your needs assertively, or how to limit engagement with challenging relatives who push your buttons.
Plan Your Own Family Time
Spend time with your immediate family away from the bustle of larger family gatherings, whether watching a Christmas movie with your kids, going to the neighborhood holiday market, or taking a day trip to a nearby attraction. This way, your family can spend more quality time together, providing everyone with a much-needed respite.
Practice Gratitude
Try to focus on the positives of holiday family gatherings. Maybe it's the comfort of heartwarming family traditions, the joy the children get from spending time with cousins, or the prospect of a reunion with your childhood friends. Concentrate on the things to be grateful for, as this can help you reframe stressful situations into pleasant experiences, improve your mood, and foster empathy.
The holiday season is also a time for compassion and forgiveness. Marriage counseling can equip you with the communication skills to reach out to those you've had disagreements with, apologize if you have hurt someone, and be honest about your feelings. This will help you reconnect and make everyone feel more at ease.
Practice Self-Care and Emotional Regulation
Your couples counselor can help you develop tools for staying emotionally balanced during your visit. Marriage therapy can provide a safe environment to practice managing your emotions and navigating stress. Try relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness to stay focused and calm during emotionally charged moments with your family so that you don't react to triggers, acknowledge others' feelings, and know how to de-escalate when conflicts arise.
Make time to unwind and care for yourself, whether by going to bed earlier, retreating to a quiet corner with a book, or asking the grandparents to look after the children so you can have a date night with your spouse.
Summary
While heading back home for the holidays can stir a whirlwind of emotions, marriage counseling can provide you with strategies and tools to help make these family moments as enjoyable and smooth as possible.
Your counselor can guide you on how to spend the holidays stress-free with your family by prioritizing open communication, healthy boundaries, and mutual respect.
To find out more about our services, click here: marriage counseling.
