How to Support Your Wife Around Your Family

January is unofficially known as “divorce month.” While the most divorce filings actually occur in March or August, plenty of people are still Googling divorce lawyers at the start of the new year. With the holidays coming up, it’s important to talk about a major stressor this time of year - family dynamics. It’s great if everyone gets along and has a good time, but for a lot of couples marital tension is created when a spouse doesn’t get along with the in laws. If your wife doesn’t like your parents, you’re probably familiar with this experience. 

It’s hard to see the people you love fighting, and it’s even harder when you’re the one caught in the middle. Your parents raised you and have supported you throughout your life, but at the same time your wife also expects your support. Navigating arguments between your spouse and parents is never fun, but you need to learn how to handle these situations so they don’t create a rift in your marriage. 

3 Ways to Support Your Wife

A big part of marriage involves shifting your priorities and support to favor your partner. You two are building a new family together and supporting your wife in front of your parents is a big part of that dynamic. Below are three ways you can strengthen your marriage by being there for your wife this holiday season. 

Stand United

Your parents might have a lot of opinions on how you raise your kids. This is often a cause of conflict between couples and grandparents. Moms and dads expect their kids to follow in their footsteps when raising children. You and your wife, however, may have decided on a different path. It can be really difficult for your wife to field questions and criticisms about parenting choices alone. 

When you don’t back up your wife, it can feel like you’re silently agreeing with your parents on how your kids should be raised. In some cases, the criticism coming from your parents might even make your wife feel like a bad mom. Don’t let your wife face your parents alone. Support her and firmly remind your parents that you two are the only ones in charge of how your kids will be raised. 

Stop Criticism 

You should never let your mom or dad put down your wife in front of you. You might not want to offend your parents, but you can’t allow them to speak badly of your bride. It’s disrespectful to your wife and to your marriage. You’re in a partnership and standing up for your spouse is vital to a healthy marriage. Let your parents know that while you respect their opinion, they aren’t allowed to say bad things about your wife, especially to you.

Don’t complain

On the flip side of not letting your parents criticize your wife, you shouldn’t complain about your spouse to your parents either. It’s especially important never to talk about your marital issues with your mom or dad. You may have relied on them for emotional support and advice in the past, but now you need to work things out yourself or with the help of a professional couples counselor. If you’re frequently complaining about the problems you have with your wife, your parents will start to resent her.  

2020 Will Be a Different Holiday Season

The coronavirus will undoubtedly have a big impact on the holidays this year. It might help you avoid common conflicts between your spouse and parents if you can’t get together this year. On the other hand, it might create even more stress and bickering as people disagree on safety measures and seriousness of the virus.

With this in mind, talk with your wife and create a game plan for the holidays in advance. Decide together whether now is a good time to travel to see family. You might not want to disappoint your mom and dad, but if your wife doesn’t feel safe traveling this holiday season, you need to support that choice. If you do get together with your parents, it’s a good idea to set ground rules that will limit arguments about how to handle the virus situation. Whatever you do, having a conversation with your spouse in advance about how you can support one another is a great way to get on the same page and avoid conflict this holiday season. 

If you and your wife need more than a one-on-one conversation to handle the holidays, then couples counseling is a great option to help you navigate this time of year. To learn more about our services, visit our nice guy counseling page today.