What to Know About Financial Infidelity
When the word "infidelity" comes up, the immediate thoughts are usually physical or emotional. It may not be commonly known that there is a financial category.
Within any relationship, there are occurrences where information is withheld or secrets are kept. If a situation of financial infidelity has occurred, for the security of the relationship, it needs attention. Here are a few things to know about financial infidelity and working through it.
What Exactly Is Financial Infidelity?
In its broadest sense, financial infidelity is keeping a financial secret from your spouse. It can be a warning sign of other troubles and should be taken seriously.
Financial infidelity involves some level of a breach of trust between you and your partner. This could have significant implications for the future health of your relationship.
Methods
There are a number of different methods in which hiding finances can occur. Typically, they involve hiding or lying.
Hiding things from a partner may include hiding cash, hiding a minor or major purchase, hiding a financial statement of some sort, or hiding an entire bank account.
Lying can include lying about how much money one of you is earning, lying about any ongoing debts that are current, or lying about anything else related to finances.
Collecting the Facts
When dealing with financial infidelity, it’s important to get the full picture. Making assumptions could lead you down a problematic path.
You also want to approach this conversation with some sense of calm and rational thinking, even if it's hard.
Sitting down with your partner will allow for a clear explanation of what occurred and provide you with the necessary information for moving on to the discussion piece.
What Was the Motive?
Acknowledging that there was some sort of financial infidelity means that the trust between you was broken. Facing the truth of the situation can be difficult for either side. It’s hard to be put in a position where you're caught off guard about a monetary matter, but it’s also hard to face your partner when you’ve done something hurtful.
In an instance of financial infidelity, ask your partner why they chose to lie about it. Why was your input or awareness not deemed valuable at the time?
In order for this conversation to be most effective, you should try your best not to judge or jump in to fix the problem on your own. As they share their side of the situation, you may find you have more questions to paint the bigger picture. You may also find you have additional cracks in your relationship worth exploring.
Why Wasn’t It Shared?
Questions you should consider while having this crucial conversation are: Were they aware of their actions? Are you two headed in the same direction? Is this likely to be a recurring issue?
Operating in the world of joint accounts and shared bills is meant to make your financial lives easier. Unfortunately, it can also result in some gray areas. As a couple, you more than likely have discussed your financial goals as you joined everything. Has anything changed in this regard?
Coming Back Together as a Team
Once you understand where the line of communication lapsed or where your financial goals shifted, you can begin the repair work as a team. Revisit your individual and shared financial goals. Create a plan that will fix any financial stressors or problems this instance of infidelity may have caused.
You can check in and do routine budget talks. You could also create a process for separating certain aspects and making individual purchases.
Additional Guidance
Honesty is usually the best policy, especially where money and relationships are concerned. Healing from financial infidelity involves improving communication practices.
If you’re resonating with any of this, couples counseling may be a helpful option. Together, we can address any communication barriers, assess any underlying issues, and strengthen your bond. Reach out to schedule an appointment today.
About the Author
Madeline Rice, LCSW, is a licensed mental health therapist in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and owner and founder of Madeline Rice & Associates. She offers therapy to teens and women seeking help with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders and also works closely with couples. The main modalities she uses in working with clients include CBT, EMDR, IFS, mindfulness, and psychodynamic. Madeline offers counseling in online sessions.
